I must confess that although I love the Lord of the Rings series, I have not completed the books! It remains on my unending list of things to do and read. This well-loved classic from J.R.R. Tolkien is not only a great story, but for believers, a delight in seeing Christian themes embedded throughout the series. For example: the bearing of sin in Frodo carrying the ring. Or the resurrection of Jesus in Gandalf’s plummeting to certain death and coming back as Gandalf the White. 

One of my favorite parts of the series is when Frodo and Sam make it to Mount Doom in Mordor to once and for all rid the world of the dreaded Ring of Power. In their ascent up the mountain, Frodo falls beneath the load of the ring’s power. Sam (my favorite character) picks up Frodo and in essence says, “I can’t carry the ring, but I can carry you,” and does carry him a little bit closer to their destination. 

You can make fun of me here, but every time I see that part in the movie I tear up! Every time! It is a great reminder of both the need for, and the virtue of, friendship. In short, I need friends like Sam, and I want to be a friend like Sam to others. Throughout the Lord of the Rings series, Samwise Gamgee is the picture-perfect friend: a selfless, loyal, truthful guard and protector of Frodo. 

And in fact, my wife and I said many times that of all people, we feel most blessed – in part because we can count on many people in our lives as friends. 

In my life I have learned that we all need friends, especially men. Sometimes we have the “John Rambo-tough guy” mentality where we will live life alone. But even Rambo had Colonel Troutman!  

What are the biblical virtues that would classify someone as a friend? I emphasize two essentials for solid friendships. 

First, a friend is loyal. We throw the word friend around a lot, and honestly, too loosely. But a true friend is someone I trust implicitly, not just to hold my wallet in a pinch, but to allow me to be vulnerable, and not to fear that he will pounce on my weakness or make me feel like I have to be in a spiritual arm-wrestling match to demonstrate who is the most godly or wisest. Away with such foolishness!  

If the New Testament tells us anything about the church, it is that we need one another to grow – Christians cannot live as Lone Rangers and expect to become more like Jesus. This in essence is the gospel culture that we need in the church.

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,” and Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Many people will be there for you if you have something to give them.  But a loyal friend is someone who sticks by you stick by you not only in good times, but also in tough times when you have nothing to offer, and take your proverbial call in the middle of the night and “feel your pain.” 

Paul needed that kind of friend when he told Timothy in his last chapter of inspired writing that everyone had left him.

A second key indication of true friendship is telling you the truth. Today’s culture  says a friend is someone who will accept and affirm you for you unconditionally. But is that a Biblical virtue? Proverbs 27:6 tells us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” In other words, a real friend will tell you the truth about yourself and your decisions while an enemy will only affirm you even when they know you are wrong or in sin.

While we should demonstrate unconditional love, that does not mean it comes with unconditional affirmation and acceptance. The reality is that no one will look at everything like we do or agree with us on everything. Nor should they, because we are often wrong! We must have the courage to accept even a word of rebuke or pushback from others.  

If we hunker down and insulate ourselves with people who merely validate our every decision and thought, our sanctification will be stunted.  Loyalty is not blind. Loyalty is honest. A true friend, a real friend, is someone who will tell you the truth even when it may be difficult to hear. 

Here is the axiom we must follow on friendship. If you are not loyal but only truthful, your words to your “friend” will sound like a judgmental self-righteous chest thumping session. If you are loyal but not truthful, you are at times allowing someone to live in sin and foolishness. Neither is a virtuous position. 

If that is a barebones definition of a friend, than what greater friend does a Christian have than Jesus? In John 15:5, He calls his disciples his friends. He is the One who never leaves us and never forsakes us. He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. Yet, he is Truth. His Word and Spirit will regularly rebuke us when we go astray.  And most of all, He fulfilled His own statement of ultimate friendship in John 15:13: "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Sam may be the picture-perfect friend. But Jesus is THE True Friend!

Do you know this True Friend? Trust Him as your Lord and Savior today and learn from Him that you might be a true friend to those around you. We desperately need one another. 

Soli Deo Gloria