Stereotypes are rarely true and often offensive, which means they should be challenged whenever possible. That’s especially true of the stereotypes about “preachers’ kids.” This is a subject I can address with some confidence since I have been a pastor’s son since age 11, and my children have known nothing but their dad being a pastor. 

What are some of those often self-contradictory stereotypes?

• All preachers’ kid’s rebel. 
• But preachers’ kids are probably going to be pastors like their dads.
• Pastors’ kids are the worst behaved. 
• But pastors’ kids should “know better than that.” (“After all, you are ‘the preacher’s kid.’”)
• He/she should have known the answer to that Bible question because she/he is “the preacher’s kid.”
• Alternatively: let’s have the pastor’s kid on our team because he or she will get all the Bible trivia answers.

Comments like these are regularly made in Evangelical churches – often in front of or directly to children involved. While some are made in jest, how could any such utterances help a pastor’s offspring become more like Christ or allow him/her to interact with peers and not feel like they are an alien breed in the group? 

The role of pastor already leaves his family vulnerable because of the public nature of their place in the faith community, and their kids are unfairly subjected to greater scrutiny and heightened expectations.  Cutting comments, even if inadvertent, add yet more frustration to life in that goldfish bowl. Mark this well: your words to your pastor’s children could stick with them for the rest of their lives. I can still remember some things said of me when I was the “preacher’s kid.” 

Moreover, most people do not even consider other unique aspects of growing up in a pastor’s home. Family members see the pastor’s flaws because they live with him, which is why a pastor and his wife must be real at home and admit to their children when they fail.  Kids at times see the ugly side of church ministry, and can sense when problems arise (especially when it involves attacks on their father and/or mother), even when they are protected as much as possible by their parents. Yet they often have to navigate those problems in the dark because their parents cannot disclose all the issues at church. 

It's no wonder that many preachers’ kids leave Christianity altogether because of how they were treated and how they saw their parents treated in ministry. 

So as we challenge the stereotypes, here are some ways we can ease the difficult path pastors’ kids face: 

1. Love them and encourage them. I can honestly say as a pastor that it means more to me than anything else when people try to encourage my kids. I don’t know another pastor that would not agree with that. 

2. Don’t expect more out of them than any other kid in the church. If you can see two kids do the same thing and react differently to the pastor’s kid, then your view of who they are is unbalanced. All children do foolish things because they are not yet mature and have sinful hearts. 

3. Be patient with them because they are in their process of sanctification as well. Sanctification is a long lengthy road that extends from conversion to the grave and we need to give room for people to grow. This includes a pastor and his family. 

4. Recognize that their identity is in Jesus, not their dad’s occupation. See them more as a child of God more than the child of a pastor. If you are a pastor, I think one thing that is helpful is to regularly remind our kids that at times the church will let us down. People will even let us down. But Jesus never will! 

Challenge the stereotype and help your pastor be more effective in ministry by treating his kids with the grace we extend (or should) to every other Christian. 

Soli Deo Gloria!